Develop Your Assertiveness 2

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Chapter 2: Prepare to assert yourself

In the same way that it is impossible to become assertive by just by reading a book on the subject - you have to practise assertion skills - it is also impossible to appear assertive with the tensed muscles and pounding heart associated with stress.Your body language will give you a way.Whatever words you chose to say, however 'assertive' they might be, if delivered with the wrong tone of voice,too much or too little volume, or accompanied by inappropriate facial expression and posture, your assertiveness will be ineffective. You will be perceived as apprehensive, emotional, hostile or aggressive by the other person.

Let's face it, while most of us would like to be assertive most of the time, the occasions where this proves more difficult are those where it is really important to display assertiveness skills. These are also occasions when we are likely to feel  the most tense. Imagine the following scenarios.

• You are summoned to the boss's office and can tell by the look of his face that it's not to talk about ur next pay rise or promotion!
• It's down to you to tell a member of the staff about a personal hygiene problem.
• Although you've explained the cause for the delay, your client continues to behave in a quarrelsome and aggressive manner.
• You decide now is the time to confront your partner with an issue which you know there will be some disagreement.
• Your parent or an elderly relative expects to spend Christmas with you. You and your partner want a quiet Christmas together. You have just called at her house to tell this relative that you can't have her to stay. 

Comments

You may have not been in any of these precise situations, but you can imagine - even begin to experience - some of the symptoms of anxiety you are likely to display: the dry mouth, the sweating palms, the tightening of the facial muscles, the thumping heart, the churning tummy and, not least, feelings of self-doubt about the outcome of the ensuing interaction.
Even attending an assertiveness training course will be a source of stress for most of us.'Performing' in a role-play for the first time can be traumatic, however much we might agree with the principle that it is the best way
to practise new skills.